How long do we wait for answers to hard questions?
Maybe the hard questions are more important than the answers they’ll bring. Maybe?
I’m not talking about answers to routine questions like:
how many feet are in a yard?
is there an easy way to… ?
where is… ?
who can… ?
when did… ?
Nope.
I’m referring to those questions which don’t appear to have answers.
At least right now.
Do unanswered questions make you uncomfortable?
For me, there are unanswered questions that cause what Rob and I call a “brain itch”. But they’re usually the questions that good ‘ole Google can answer.
It might be when we’re reading and come across a new word – Rob will ask me if I know what that word means, and if I can’t answer him, I must… must… MUST look it up. Can’t sleep unless I know.
Sure.
I’m guessing we all have discomfort when we don’t have answers to the easy questions.
But.
How about the hard questions?
How much discomfort
does a hard question
generate…?
How long do we wait for answers to hard questions?
Yes.
Those questions with no apparent answer… or at least, no good answer – how long do we “stew” over those questions?
Could there be a better way of dealing with the un-answerable questions?
(in comparison to stewing, agonizing, dwelling, etc. etc. etc. ?)
What to do with hard questions?
Wait for answers to hard questions.
I came across this quote by the poet/writer Rainer Maria Rilke,
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.
Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Why am I noticing and even writing about these unanswered hard questions?
Be patient with hard questions while you wait.
I have some hard questions in my life.
And I’m guessing you do too.
We all do.
Our hard questions may not have obvious answers – or at least answers that would bring us peace right now.
In fact, I believe there are answers to questions that we won’t be able to comprehend for years, decades, and maybe even for the rest of our lives. We might not have an answer to those hard questions until we reach eternity.
So.
What do we do with those hard questions?
We can live with the questions while waiting for the answers…
(not agonize, or fret, or worry, struggle, lament over, wrestle… )
rather…
Love those questions.
Love? Yes. Lovingly live alongside those hard questions as we grow…
Live alongside the hard questions.
Yes.
Some patience with ourselves and those questions.
Not every question has an easy answer.
Perhaps it’ll take time to realize what it all really means.
Yes, we’ve changed our minds—many, many, many times.
What we loved to do,
see,
eat,
buy
or even experience
one month ago, ten or twenty years ago…
might be different today.
Gasp!
Is it OK to change your mind?
I’d say “yes” – but then I’m the kind of person who embraces change as an opportunity. Usually. I reserve the right to change my mind in certain cases, about certain things.
When I’m with our little granddaughter, she delights in the colors purple and pink. Will she change her 3-year-old mind about her favorite colors? Probably. And that’s OK.
What about people? Do we change our minds about who we like or don’t like – who we appreciate and don’t appreciate – who we’re concerned over or who we trust? Maybe.
Maybe we should change our minds.
Sometimes we grow in understanding.
Growth in understanding changes our minds.
Over 35 years ago I’d locked my keys in the car, in the Canadian winter, with my 6-month-old daughter in a stroller in a deserted downtown area that wasn’t known to be a safe place. The car was still running with the keys in the ignition. No cell phones then.
A heavily tattooed man with shaggy hair and rugged, not-too-clean clothes approached me. No one else was around and I was apprehensive… I’d been brought up, warned even, to keep myself away from people who appeared like that man.
But you know what?
My understanding shifted when that man went out of his way.
He trudged through the snow and slush to a nearby bar, brought back a metal clothes hanger, bent it straight, shoved it down between the window and the door… and unlocked my car.
That man, with his tattooed face and hands, pierced eye-brow and gauged earlobe, had compassion on a stupid young woman, responsible for a baby. He saw a need and helped me.
And his actions changed me. I grew up a little, right then.
Do you have any experiences that changed your mind? How was it OK?
(Even if it wasn’t a good change. I have those too.)
Leave a comment and tell a bit of your story – maybe it’ll change our minds too…
PS – not every change is good. Some are brutal. Others we would never, ever choose. Some changes shift our minds and hearts in ways that are not healthy or sustaining. There are changes that push us into despair. NOW is the time to reach out to someone if you feel your heart and mind dwelling on a change that is too heavy to bear. Now. Call someone. Dial “988” in the United States – here’s the website: https://988lifeline.org/ You are not alone in this. There is a “next” after this change and it may be OK, somehow. Talk with someone now.
You can download the image in the picture above by clicking HERE.
and if you’re interested, there’s a short video of me making this tag – it’s part of a #50stackchallenge with other junk-journalers – click here to go to YouTube!
Rob likes to eat diced apples on his morning oatmeal, so we always have a group of apples on the counter. I looked at them as put them in the bowl, thinking about how they all shine beautifully. Sure, they’re not perfect; one has a brown spot on one side, the other is slightly misshapen, and a few had other issues… However. Each one has value. Rob will enjoy each one on his oatmeal because they all have goodness to share.
It’s the same with people – we all can shine.
There’s no need to let flaws or comparisons blind us to the good in others. We’re all less than perfect. It’s all about what we notice in each other.
What’s true, admirable, and lovely about her or him?
There must be something we can praise about that person beside us!
Look for what’s honorable, and worthy of respect…
Today, take some time to notice everyone around you and find one thing you admire – one thing you’re thankful for… You can do it – just make the effort to look for the good rather than criticize. (Maybe you need to get to know someone a little bit better to see their good sides? Here are a few questions to ask!)
We all can shine – every one of us!
Notice what “shines” about others!
Want to look for what’s good in others (and yourself)? There’s a link below to print out your own reminders.
Cut those reminders out. Tuck them into an envelope, your purse, a book or pocket, or tape one to a mirror. You can also watch a VIDEO of me making a tag and an envelope to hold all the reminders. I invite you to play with paper too! (links to the free download are below the image)
I find the direction given in Philippians 4:8 sums up being optimistic in life.
Just consider if we focus on what is true, honorable and worthy of respect, right and confirmed by God’s word, pure and wholesome, lovely and bringing peace, admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, and then think continually on these things, centering our minds on them, and implanting them in our hearts, we will find so much for which to be thankful! Positive Thanks Living in action!
Life is better with an optimistic view – especially when where you’re standing isn’t fun.
These times are hard for so many reasons.
Some of us are trudging through tragedy. Really bad stuff.
Others are grappling with the fallout of trials. Or maybe it’s hard remaining steady under pressure.
And then there are most of us – dealing with everyday occurrences which just aren’t fun.
But I’m going to say it again…
Life is better with an optimistic view!
It is. Really. Look for the good and see how it becomes easier to bear the bad.
How?
Be kind to people – and that includes yourself!
Count your blessings. Be thankful, even for the little stuff.
Document it all!
To help, I’ve been busy…
Busy? Why? Because I really believe that if we take the action to be grateful and kind it will make life better.
Busy? With what?
I’ve been busy making it easier to document all your thankfulness and kindness!
Many have reminded me that when I offer a document to download, they don’t have a printer at home or the printer doesn’t have ink or paper or…
And sometimes it’s just that bit too much to search for a notebook, or follow through to complete a list or make some notes about thankfulness or being kind… Yes. I get it. Life is complicated, and no matter what good intentions you have, sometimes you get overwhelmed.
Still.
Life is better with an optimistic view…
So I did some research and worked to create some journals with the focus on documenting gratitude and kindness!
Yes. Real, printed books. They’re meant to journal and document, with prompts to help you get started. There aren’t a lot of words from me, rather, there is lots of space for you to write, print, draw, paste, scribble, doodle and make your positive mark! (literally).
We are coming to the end of this year – let’s start next year off with a focus on being optimistic & thankful – and you can use these journals I’ve created for you as a way to make it “real”…
One of these journals has space for an optimistic quote every day – In the journal, I promise to help provide quotes if you can’t think of your own… so here are a few:
“Be patient with yourself – nothing in nature blooms all year long.” – anonymous
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.” ~ Helen Keller
“Be the reason others believe in the goodness of people.”
“A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.” ~ William Makepeace Thackeray
“Growth happens silently – consider – a seed grows with no sound or evidence until it’s above ground.“
I’m going to imagine you’re shaking your head – probably saying “nope” – when I ask you the above question.
Even if I list all your accomplishments and talents, you’ll have a reason, and might tell me that other people have done and can do those kinds of things you’ve done.
And yet…
You are somebody really special.
Really special.
REALLY.
(I want you to think about owning that qualifier.
You might agree to the fact that you’re special, but want to downplay the “really” aspect. Yes. I get it. It’s hard for me also.)
How do I know that you’re somebody really special?
How could I know?
(Especially if I haven’t ever met you?)
Here’s the thing – I know that you are somebody really special because I have never met anyone, anyone at all*, who is not really special. Unique. Thoroughly valuable in every way, regardless of their flaws. I’m convinced that everyone on this planet or in eternity, anyone who was ever conceived… is special.
Each soul has unique, valuable worth.
It’s the way we all are made. Special. Really.
Let’s use an example – I’m watching friends document their journey as parents of three daughters, identical triplets, as these girls have grown in their first year of life. Outwardly these three individuals appear the same. They share a birth date, physical features, siblings, parents and grandparents, a household, the same life experiences, faith, people surrounding them, and more. And yet. Everything their parents document shows me that each one of these girls is uniquely special. They succeeded in walking on different dates, they have different habits, likes, dislikes, behaviors, fears, and favorites. So, even in the space of a little more than a year, these three identical triplets, are uniquely special individuals. Really.
Now, here’s the question…
Are you ready to be challenged… gently… privately… with only your well-being at heart…?
I’m smiling at you.
It’s a warm smile.
Come on, be ready…
Take heart – have courage…
How can you be more of yourself?
More you.
More uniquely you.
Don’t be shy.
Let those parts of you, that really special you, shine.
An interesting experience.
I’ve been pondering and processing an interesting experience…
A little while ago, someone I love, asked me to write down the answers to two questions:
What do you value about me?
What do you think my gift is?
After thinking and mulling – giving these questions the significance they deserved, I answered in an email. I know this person very well for all of their life. Answering wasn’t hard – you know what was hard? Distilling it into a short list! In fact, I think this person wanted me to answer with just one thing. I couldn’t. Not really. (I cheated by merging three into one and made sure to note that there was much more!)
Yes, I love this person. I’m biased.
But this experience has made me fully realize that if asked, I could answer these questions about every person I’ve met – I bet you could do the same if asked! (Do you pay attention to people? Even people that you don’t initially like?*) Because, if that person has shown us how really special they are, it’s going to be evident!
They are valued.
And as a somebody, really, deeply, needed.
Just like you…
Today – how can you be more you?
(If you need to, maybe ask those you trust the two above questions I was asked… however, I’m guessing, if you let yourself, you already know the answers.)
If you want to be somebody,
somebody really special,
be yourself.
* So… what was that asterisk all about? Read this article about someone special who caught me being “that lady”… a stranger who I didn’t like. At first. But I could tell you how much I value him. He was a stranger I have met only once.
Here’s a video as I make the above tag, with the “voice over” being what is written above… hmmmm… here’s me trying to be more me. Taking my own challenge… LOL https://youtu.be/LgLPAn3bnbc
Today, remember to think before you speak… be kind.
Be gentle.
Let your words build up and encourage.
Someone might really need that today…
~ knowledge is knowing what to say
wisdom is knowing whether to say it or not…
What words do you use to be kind? To encourage? To build up?
If you need some ideas of positive, and encouraging words… keep reading!
Over the next 100 days, I’m going to be practicing hand-lettering. (That’s the modern equivalent of calligraphy.) And each word I’m practicing will be a positive and encouraging word…
It’s to join in on The 100-day Project – The idea is simple: choose a creative project, do it every day for 100 days, and share your process online. Every year, thousands of people all around the world commit to 100 days of creating.
I’ll be using a list of 100 words.
Leave a comment with a word you like – a word that builds you up, one that encourages you and makes you smile… I’d like to add it to my list!
I’m writing Christmas cards these days and also doing a series of collaging exercises. How do these two things intersect? Well, they’re all about positive words. Words that are encouraging and lovely, and true and honorable and…
Positive words – is your language, the words that come out of your mouth (or pen) optimistic?
Sure, we all need to talk about the serious stuff in our life. We need to explore solutions to problems and deal with where we’ve failed and what isn’t working in our lives. Yes. Those words will hold some deeply troubling statements of concern, and even self-reflective non-positive words and ideas. Please hear me: I’m not suggesting you overlook or avoid using words that cause angst for a good end purpose. Don’t ignore the bad. Fix it. Or find a way to (at least) make it into the best it could be, all things considered…
And yet, let’s not forget to also use positive words in our conversation about ourselves, our life, and even our really negative situations. As bad as it gets, there is the option to find words to frame at least some part of ourselves and our life and those around us in a good light…
What are some positive words?
When Rob and I talk to couples about cheap date night ideas, one of the favorite ideas is to go to a card shop and choose cards to read to each other. Financially you might not be able to purchase cards, but you can take a field trip to look through the cards and share the positive statements in them. And laugh at the funny ones.
Those greeting cards will (mostly) hold positive words… just like the Christmas cards I’m writing. Hope. Peace. Blessings. Joy… and more.
What are your favorite positive words?
Which ones do you use most often? Here are 100 of mine:
thankful
hopeful
blissful
persistent
merry
cheerful
encouraged
assured
optimistic
comforted
enchanting
contented
pleased
grateful
expectant
happy
cherished
courageous
promising
useful
glad
joyful
zippy
contented
enthusiastic
gratified
grateful
gentle
serene
glad
sympathetic
mellow
amenable
galvanized
endorsed
loved
refreshed
favorable
enthusiastic
willing
responsive
thanksliving
useful
boosted
respected
bright
affirmed
enlivened
spurred
promoted
positive
aided
fostered
fortified
commended
helped
advocated
playful
upheld
befriended
jolly
sparkling
chuffed (this is one I’ve learned from my junk-journaling cohort from the UK)
reassured
blessed
light-hearted
worthwhile
applauded
reassured
delightful
beloved
caring
beneficial
supported
pleasant
sweet
heartened
profitable
lighthearted
excited
revered
enthusiastic
tickled
exhilarated
treasured
responsive
vibrant
well-disposed
endearing
valued
admired
well-pleased
restored
strengthened
passionate
loved
included
helped
resilient
precious
What word have I missed that you’d include?
Want to feel good?
Or at least begin to put some happy thoughts into your head… and share with others?
Here are two options:
A. Choose five of the words above, and think of a person in your life who reminds you of that particular word, or an instance where you felt that way… Then write a note to thank that person. (By-the-way, even if that person has passed, or you don’t have their address, still write the note, because expressing it on paper has power.)
B. Choose five of the words above and write five notes to special people who you’d wish that for… “Dear _____, my wish for you is that you feel… “)
To you – the person reading this post:
I’m thankful for you –
you are valued,
and my wish for you is to have all those positive words show up in your life
in special ways that demonstrate how very much you’re loved.
love,
Lori
Throughout December I’ve been practicing collaging using a list of prompts. For today I used the prompt “add handwriting”, so here’s a video on what I did:
Being busy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… Sure. There might be many checkmarks on your “to-do” lists. And you may be tired when you climb into your bed.
But will being busy make a dent in what really counts?
What counts in your life?
When our children were small I’d call my laundry bin “Mount Never Rest“. Much later in life, I definitely missed having a washer and dryer handy when we were in our RV. But all these years of doing laundry only gave me (and those I love) clean clothes to wear for a day. At the end of every day for the last 45-ish years, there were – and are – dirty clothes in that laundry hamper…
Now, I’m probably odd. I don’t mind doing laundry. In fact, it’s the one task around the house I enjoy. (Weird. I know.) So I do the laundry and Rob puts those clean clothes back in the closet. Bada-boom. Bada-bing.
Until next week.
As I ponder, I’m thinking there’s every chance that “laundry-queen” will not be on my obituary. At least I hope not. Even though I enjoy laundry, and my family has appreciated being the recipient of clean clothes, it’s not something I want to be remembered for…
Why? Because it’s just a checkmark on a list of things to do…
Laundry may be necessary, but it’s not what really counts.
DO what counts.
Have you determined what really counts in your life? (Everyone will be different, you know.)
Regardless. Now is the time to focus on what really counts. For the long-term. For your obituary. For what will you be remembered?
Have a little courage… and do that.
Sure, if it’s an important checklist item, get it done. (LOL – My husband just asked me if I could wash his jeans. Like, literally, as I’m writing this! I guess I’m doing laundry again. And that’s OK. I will. Happily.)
But that’s not the only thing I’ll do today…
How about you?
What’s on your list today that’ll contribute in ways no-one else can? Make that your priority. Have courage – because what you do matters.
Consider your five senses and think about what’s lovely in your life right now:
sight,
sound,
smell,
touch
and taste.
Sometimes we overlook the obvious when we’re looking for the good in our lives.
We’re so caught up in social media, dealing with our children or parents, handling the next crisis, or worrying about what might happen, even though it hasn’t happened yet.
Is your mind all a-flutter? Going in circles, metaphorically or physically? Or have you ground to a halt – inertia gotcha?
This is just a quick reminder… check-in… right now – to this moment.
Get out of your head and tune into your senses…
sight, sound, smell, taste and touch…
Make a quick list of all that’s lovely.
It won’t take long. It’s simple. You can do this.
And take a lovely, deep breath…
I return you to your regularily scheduled thoughts.
Or not?
Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true.
If your thoughts aren’t lovely, then do something about them… you’re in control. Regardless.
Quick! think of 5 lovely things… Leave a comment on what you’ve tasted or smelled or felt or seen or heard that’s lovely today!
(My grandboy’s hug was amazing – and my husband’s voice always makes me smile. My chicken wings tasted delicious and the sight of blue sky after rain clouds made my heart sing. And my lavender hand lotion always raises my spirit.)
Really.
Make a list!
Avocado toast with feta and fresh dill tastes amazing… the juxtaposition of hot toast and cold avocado and feta…. the zing of fresh dill in your nose… Rob isn’t much for “green” in the morning, but I like it!
Details. Do you pay attention to the details? I’m not a naturally detail-oriented person, however, surprisingly, paper crafting is developing in me a new love for the distinct tiny differences found when making items by hand.
I see how others who make things from paper are developing their ideas – the same prompts, the same items – yet how they put it all together is beautifully unique.
The real beauty often shows up in the those individual features…
Beauty in the details.
Isn’t it that way in life? We all have noses, eyes, and ears, and yet… we’re each beautiful in our own way.
For sure, every parent and grandparent can appreciate their children’s uniquely beautiful identities because of those details! We pay attention to the little hands, the precious first step, word, and accomplishment.
I was with our little grand-daughter today and watched as she held a toy – she was paying attention to the details…
Where, in your life, do you pay attention to the details?
if you cook or bake I’m sure the different ingredients matter. (Baking isn’t my forte because I don’t always pay attention to the details of the recipe. I’m sure I’d have better results if those pesky amounts were accurate (wink). )
some people love numbers. I imagine those who have a career in finance find the details of money a joy.
and words. Oh yes. Words. —Your, you’re and yore. It’s and its. There, their and they’re. Affect/effect. To, two, too. — And the list goes on. There’s a beauty in using the correct words and spelling them correctly when telling a story. I won’t even begin to discuss grammar… However, when a talented writer uses the details of the English language with skill, it IS a beautiful thing! (One of my favorite, skillful authors is C.S. Lewis – who is yours?)
artists must love details! Colors and textures and techniques and form and shape and more… Why can we have such disparate artists like Albrecht Durer and Jackson Pollok and yet find their work so beautiful? Their details! (well, that might be taking my argument a little too far, but you get the idea.)
The detail of values.
And then there are the values we embrace. There is great detail in values.
My husband spent years studying, writing about, and speaking on values. We discussed, at length, the meaning and nuances of each value. He has a list of 423 values he uses in an assessment to choose three top values. (Ours, as husband and wife, are Loyalty, Optimism and Discovery – if you’re interested you can read about them here.)
According to the detail of the values you choose to put into practice in your life you may, or may not find your life pleasing.
Pleasing features… parts of the whole.
What details – parts of the whole – make an impact on your life?
Where do you exercise your love of bits and pieces – the details – to make your life more beautiful?
What else could you pay closer attention to that would add to the beauty of your life?
From crafting-with-paper I’m learning about the beauty and uniqueness found in using tea or coffee to dye paper, in tearing the paper to tattered edges, in the nuances of adding lace, color, words, shapes, etc to what I’m making. The detail of cutting out shapes and then shading them with ink on the edges. It’s all about the details…
This was the Scripture verse given to us on our 25th Wedding Anniversary – if you read further on into the verse, about what this wise man has to say about a time for everything, you’ll find yourself nodding in agreement.
Hello there – what makes your heart race, your eyes sparkle, and puts a spring in your (metaphorical) step? I’m guessing we all have a few passions that make our personal and professional lives unique. So what are yours?
What are you passionate about?
Yup. Ended a sentence in a preposition. Perhaps I should have phrased it: “About what are you passionate?” — LOL — Regardless.
My husband and I have a wubbie* show. The Big Bang Theory. In one episode a character is dissatisfied with not being passionate about topics, unlike her friends who are science/tech nerds. She eventually identifies something for which she has a passion. Can you relate?
Do you find it difficult to pinpoint your passions? Or not?
Maybe you have a career that’s your passion. Or your family has all your attention and you realize that nurturing is your focus. Some have hobbies they can talk about ad nauseam and wherein they lose track of time.
Saying Hello – What’s your passion…
In business circles, there’s a term called an Elevator Speech. It’s basically a very, very quick introduction to your passion. People hone their elevator pitch/speech constantly and memorize or internalize it.
The idea is that in the space of less than a minute they’ll be able to introduce their strengths or passion to a person of importance.
In the blogging world, we put this information on our “About” page. (Or in our side-bar.) When I’m reading online I always look for clues to who the person writing is, and what words they use to identify themselves. Do you do that too?
If you had to introduce yourself – quickly – what would you say?
My passions are obvious: writing, family, optimism, thankfulness, and encouragement. I’m also passionate about my faith – hence the Scripture verse I’ve adopted as my focus.
Of course, I have other passions. I’m guessing we all have those that we don’t mention in an elevator speech or on a quick About Page…
What else do I love to do? I’m a voracious reader in many, many areas, I “play with paper“, I love to travel (we spent years living in an RV traveling the USA – that was a bucket list item) and more.
There’s always more, isn’t there?
We’re all unique and complex people.
What’s your “hello” speech? How do you introduce yourself?
Leave a comment below and introduce yourself! Say hello!
This is a journaling card – my “playing with paper” Junk Journaling. You can see more of what I’m making on Instagram…
(*FYI – “wubbie” in this instance means something that brings comfort, like a child’s fuzzy blanket. We use this show (The Big Bang Theory) as a way to just unwind and we’ve seen each episode in 12 seasons so often we can quote the lines before the character says them. I’m guessing you’ll see this trait as quirky, odd, or oddly endearing. I’ll let you choose. LOL )
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Hello! I’m Lori –
I'm a writer, a wife to Rob for 38 years, a mom to grown children and a Gram. My focus is to be optimistic, thankful and to encourage you! ~ Colossians 2:2 ~
